Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
