Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
