Just cropdusted the office
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
