I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
