I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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