"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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