Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
