We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
