I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
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