my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
