that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
