Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
