I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
