i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I stole a fireplace last night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
