I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
