I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
