Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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