I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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