I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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