I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
