So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
