guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my being single is dangerous.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
