I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
