office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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