I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
