your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
