My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Small penises have feelings too.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
