Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
