piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
