omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
