mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
