sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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