Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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