Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
