Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
