i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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