hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
