Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
