Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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