The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
