There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
