All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
