Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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