Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
