Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I need moral support for this bender
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
