His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
