I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
