wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
