He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
