2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
