I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish I only lived at night.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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