she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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