I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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