i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
