Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
