her vagine was all disorganized.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
