Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
