Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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