I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
