Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
